By Sieran Lane in Fiction — Dec 21, 2023

A Deeper Friendship

Ada was all too conscious of her pants hugging her legs, her fedora hiding part of her long hair, and her gentleman’s jacket wrapped securely around her body.

AI image generated by author via Nightcafe

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Ada was tense when she watched her best friend, Jasmine, stomp down the hall to her room. On Ada’s other side was Emmett, Jasmine’s older brother, who looked awkward and uncomfortable. He gave her a sheepish smile. “It’s just me. There’s no need to be so nervous.”

She took a deep breath. “Let’s sit down.” She gestured to the plush couches facing each other in the parlor.

Ada was all too conscious of her pants hugging her legs, her fedora hiding part of her long hair, and her gentleman’s jacket wrapped securely around her body. She glanced at the ground, then back up at Emmett. He was right that she had nothing to be nervous about, yet, guilt lanced through her chest.

Emmett rubbed his temple, but his green eyes were warm and kind. “You look good, Ada.”

She was flustered, but Emmett’s smile seemed sincere and nonjudgmental. She folded her arms. “Thank you. I — dressed up as a man so that Jasmine and I could travel safely through the night.”

“And there’s no problem with that,” Emmett responded. “I’m glad that you’re both home safe.”

They were dancing around the topic, even now. Ada continued, “Jasmine might tell you this later, but I would rather tell you myself. On our journey, I also pretended to be her husband, to protect us further.”

Emmett’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh.”

While Ada still felt guilty, she felt surprisingly relieved to have someone other than Jasmine to talk to about this. “It was a charade, nothing more. Your sister does not feel that way about me, and I…accept that.” She dipped her head.

Now Emmett let out a long sigh. “Ada, you did nothing wrong. I, on the other hand, wish to apologize for my abrupt confession, especially through that fireworks message.”

At Jasmine’s birthday party last night, Emmett had changed the planned fireworks message from Jasmine, I will always love you, which was Ada’s confession, to Ada, I will always love you, which was Emmett’s declaration.

“No, no, please, you were not at fault, either,” Ada said while shaking her head. “I was shocked at the time, especially at the public display. I admit I didn’t know how to respond, but I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I shouldn’t have told you so much about my feelings towards your sister.”

Emmett’s smile was strained. “I would rather hear the truth than to not know, and I am honoured that you trust me enough to confide in me.”

They were both silent for a while.

Then Emmett said, “But I do want to assert that it’s okay that you don’t feel the same about me. There’s no need to feel guilty. Regardless, I’ll always be your friend and support you.”

Ada smiled. She wished that she returned his feelings, as he was so kind, and he actually loved her in that way. But it was not meant to be.

***

They were interrupted by a maid carrying a tray of tea and biscuits, and she set the tray on the small table between them.

Ada couldn’t help but laugh. “Tea and biscuits at this hour?” Yet, she was hungry, from all the stress, guilt, and fatigue. So she reached out for a crumpet.

Emmett appeared more relaxed as well, and he picked up a jam tart. “It has been a long night for both of us. Having these simple refreshments would restore us, don’t you think?”

Ada nodded. The food would lighten up the conversation, too. After another moment of quiet, where they took their time to chew and drink, Emmett spoke up again. “I also wanted to see how you were doing. It must be stressful to go through the fireworks incident, my confession, then getting lost and needing to disguise yourself to be safe.”

Ada winced a little. It was clear that Emmett had good intentions and didn’t judge her, but she still felt insecure about her “disguise.” But surely, if anyone could be trusted, it would be Emmett. So Ada took another leap. “Does it bother you that I’m in this masculine disguise?” She tried not to let her voice quiver.

Emmett shot her a look of curiosity. “Why would it bother me?”

Ada picked at her nails. “Well, it’s unconventional, for one, and in some way, it may be even more outrageous than a woman loving another woman.”

Her friend frowned. “There’s nothing wrong with a woman loving other women. And there’s no shortage of women disguised as men, so it might not be as outrageous as you think.”

Sometimes, Ada wondered what sorts of social circles Emmett moved in. While they were good friends, their social groups did not overlap. Since Emmett was an aristocrat, she assumed that his similarly rich friends would be snobbish and close minded to those who were different. But perhaps Emmett had more open minded friends than she thought.

“Perhaps it’s true that a woman dressing up as a man isn’t that rare. But — ” She struggled to articulate it. “But it seems to go even beyond that for me. It’s fun, thrilling, and I frankly don’t want to change back to my women’s weeds.” There, she said it. Ada breathed in deeply, and stared at Emmett’s face to gauge his reaction.

He blinked as if confused. “Would your guardians be upset with you if they don’t see you in women’s attire?”

Ada had been orphaned as a small child, and was taken in by an aunt and uncle on her mother’s side. But their relationship was rocky at best, so Ada preferred to call them her “guardians” instead.

Now she grimaced, and tugged her fedora down to conceal more of her hair. “They would certainly be upset, but they are unhappy with everything I do, anyway.” Hence why she spent much more time at Jasmine’s manor than at her own house. Her aunt and uncle weren’t abusive, but they were cold and critical, so Ada would jump at any chance to escape from their confines.

It was one reason why she found kinship with Jasmine in the first place. Both of them yearned for freedom and adventure. But for Jasmine, it was more about enjoying the varieties of life, while for Ada, it was about wanting more space to move and exist.

Ada fiddled with her tea cup. “I suppose it would make no difference whether my guardians are pleased with me or not.”

Emmett smiled at her, and it was such a bright, encouraging smile. “If you like, I can take you to see my friends, and I’ll introduce you as one of my brotherly chums.”

Ada’s heart beat faster, and she was scared by the exhilaration his words brought her. “Would it truly be all right? What if your friends find out?”

Emmett’s smile grew wider, and a rare look of mischief darted into his eyes. “They won’t. I’ll help you work out a convincing backstory. It will be exciting.”