The Horror of Reading Fanfiction About Yourself
A Pokemon Sword and Shield Fanfiction
When he decided to read fanfic about himself one day, Piers didn’t know what he was getting into.
Everyone had told him not to. But Piers wasn’t one to fear what most people would avoid. He was a rebel.
Plus, he secretly hoped that reading fanfic about himself, would give him more inspiration for his songs, too, even if that made him sound self-absorbed.
His creative well was running dry, and he wasn’t above using such tactics to fuel his imagination again.
At first, it was fun. He laughed and cried at all sorts of scenarios his fans put him in. His love interests varied in gender. He was sometimes cis, sometimes trans. And though most of his fictional relationships were monogamous, some were polyamorous.
But soon, he came upon fics he didn’t like. These disturbed him so much that he couldn’t sleep. When he finally managed to fall asleep, he quickly woke up again from a nightmare, all drenched in cold sweat and clutching the covers.
His boyfriend Raihan stirred awake beside him. “What’s wrong, baby?”
Piers had trouble breathing, but he collected himself enough to say, in a shaky voice, “I did what you and the others warned me not to do…I read fanfic about myself. It was cool at first, but later, I got to some that were just so sad, that they haunted me.”
Raihan paused, then he whispered, “What happened in those fics?”
Piers was relieved that Raihan didn’t say “I told you so,” or make fun of him for reading fanfic about himself. To the dragon gym leader’s credit, he had gotten much better over the years at being a good listener, rather than trying to lighten things up and invalidating Piers’ feelings as a result.
So Piers replied, “Well, some of the fanfics said that you and I are exes, that I didn’t know what I had until you were gone.” A tear rolled down his cheek and his fists tightened in the bedsheets. “Some others wrote about us being together, but our relationship was so dreadful, that we started tearing each other down, and even got physically abusive.” He shuddered and Raihan cuddled him closer, for which Piers was grateful.
“But the worst one of all,” Piers said, “was one where you and I were friends with benefits. I fell in love with you anyway even though I knew you didn’t like me back. You liked Leon. But still I had silently hoped that you would look my way. Everything in the story hinted that you may have hidden feelings for me too. But at the end, you revealed that you did indeed love Leon, after all, not me. Ugh I was totally wrecked, both in the fanfic and in real life.”
The Spikemuth punk shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong. It was well written otherwise, and maybe I shouldn’t let fiction get to me, since it says nothing about what happened to us, in this world. But — ”
“It still hurts,” Raihan said, with a creased brow. “I feel terrible just hearing you talk about these stories.” He gazed intently at Piers. “You know I would never do that to you, right? I wouldn’t ever hit you, dump you, or goodness forbid, pretend that I loved you and then ditch you for Leon.” He gritted his teeth.
Piers put a hand on his boyfriend’s arm. “Oh no, you didn’t pretend that you loved me in that fic. It was me, stupid Piers, who knew that you didn’t love me but I still fooled myself into thinkin’ I had a chance anyway.”
Piers let out a bitter laugh and continued, “You know, even before we started datin’, I thought that would happen, too. That I was readin’ all your signs wrong, and gettin’ my hopes up for no reason. I was both ecstatic and relieved when I found out that you returned my feelings. Even to this day, I wonder if I’m livin’ in a dream, and I’ll wake up and find that, in reality, you never loved me in the first place, that I was just kidding myself.”
Raihan cupped his face and kissed him gently on the lips. “No, baby, no. I would feel the same in your shoes.” He made a face. “Which writers had such a savage imagination, anyway?”
Piers laughed. “We artists all have savage imaginations, which I get, but that doesn’t make it any easier to read these stories.”
Raihan rubbed soothing circles on Piers’ back. “No matter what, I’ll never do those things to you,” he vowed.
“I believe you,” Piers said, fatigued. “I’m jus’ havin’ trouble gettin’ it out of my mind.”
“Need a distraction?” Raihan said, wiggling his eyebrows.
The former Dark type gym leader chuckled. “No, I appreciate it, but not right now.”
“Okay, no problem. What would you like me to do to make you feel better?” Raihan asked.
Piers hummed as he threaded his fingers with his partners’. “Just hug me.” His boyfriend was happy to do just that, and Piers rested his head on his large chest.
Piers murmured, “I also hate how they made Leon into an enemy in some of these stories. Again, I get that these are just fiction stories from the writers’ imaginations, but Leon is a good guy. He’s our friend. We don’t always see eye to eye, but I don’t like the thought of him doing nasty things to us, or driving a wedge between us.”
The dragon tamer went back to stroking Piers’ hair. “That really does suck. Leon’s cool but I don’t like him romantically.”
The Dark type former gym leader refrained from saying that, in some parallel universes of fanfic, Raihan and Leon were definitely an item. Sometimes with Piers as a throuple. Other times, Piers and Leon were a couple, and Raihan was alone or with someone else.
But Piers didn’t want to get into the messy nitty gritty. Perhaps he really shouldn’t have read so much fanfiction about himself and Raihan.
The next day, Raihan went out to battle challengers at the Hammerlocke gym. Piers stayed home to compose his music. He would practice with his band later tonight.
But after a while of working on his music, he couldn’t resist checking out more fanfiction again. This time, he was careful to check the warnings and made sure to only read stories that implied a happy ending. Since writers typically didn’t warn you if there was a tragic ending, sadly.
Maybe Piers should have a thicker skin about this, but he felt too shattered the night before that he couldn’t handle any more grief today.
At length, he came upon a fic with a very interesting premise. Piers widened his eyes when he read the author’s note. The writer confessed that they had read a certain fic and felt so depressed, that they couldn’t sleep. To process their feelings and find relief, they wrote this sequel fic to the tragic story, where the sequel ends happily.
So Piers read the fanfic in one gulp, and he smiled, feeling warmer and more at peace. He couldn’t wait to tell his boyfriend about it.
That night, after his band practice and Raihan’s gym duties, they lounged together on the sofa. Piers felt extra cuddly tonight, but he didn’t feel ashamed of his neediness like he used to be in the earlier years of their relationship. He knew that Raihan didn’t mind and enjoyed the intimacy. The Dragon gym leader even told Piers that the physical contact made Raihan feel closer to him.
As Raihan brushed soothing hands through the punkstar’s long, silky hair, he murmured, “So…how are you feeling about the fanfic?”
The Dark type trainer paused for a bit, then he said, “You’ll never believe what I found.” He proceeded to tell his Rai Rai about the special fanfic someone wrote. This reader was so distressed over a tragic fic, that they wrote a sequel to it with a happy ending. They only made vague references to the tragic fic, though, as they didn’t want to expose or offend the author.
Piers laughed and added, “What’s more, the plot is quite interesting. The author created an original character, who became my new love interest and healed my heart. So apparently, I have a happy ending with him now.”
Predictably, Raihan stiffened beside him on the couch. “Um…I know the original character is just from the writer’s imagination, but heck, I already want to kick him out and replace that son-of-a-bitch.”
“Raihan was the son-of-a-bitch who led me on and dumped me in the first place,” Piers countered in a playful tone. Before his boyfriend could reply, though, the singer kissed him warmly on the lips. “But yeah he’s just fictional. I’m very glad that the Piers in that fic got his happy ending with someone who loves him back and deserves him. But in this world — ” he pointed to the space between him and Raihan “ — I’m only interested in you.”
He continued after another pause, “I guess that gives me more perspective. If I’m with another guy in a given fanfic, no matter how nice the story is, it doesn’t make me love or want you any less in our world. The Piers here and the Piers there are completely different people.”
Raihan’s body relaxed at his words and he smiled. “Yes, that’s it! Fiction can feel real but it’s just fiction. No need to take it seriously, let alone worry that it could imply anything about our own life! Honestly, I was scared that this fanfic would cause a rift between us, that maybe you wouldn’t believe in my sincerity anymore.”
Piers darted his cyan eyes at him. “Pfft. Naw, I’m not fragile. I’m a musician. I have sad moods from time to time, but I always survive and come back up. Plus, my self-esteem is much higher than it was years ago. I know that you love me and always will.”
The partners shared a look of tenderness. Then Piers cuddled into Raihan again, while the Dragon gym leader hugged his beloved Piersy tighter to his chest.
One upside of this whole fanfic affair, was that it brought Piers and Raihan closer to each other. They were already very comfortable and trusting with one another. But now, they developed an even deeper layer of trust. Both knew that their partner would rather die than to hurt or betray them.
Weeks later, Piers performed at his next concert. Raihan came to cheer his partner on as always.
The Spikemuth punk sang a new song with his band, inspired by the fanfic calamity. He sang of fear, grief, but also love, hope, and an undying passion that nothing could alter.
Raihan felt tears rolling down his cheeks. His chest ached at the thought of everything his Piers had to go through. On the surface, he was just reading fanfic and taking it too seriously. But on a more profound level, it was about Piers thinking more deeply about their relationship, questioning whether their love would last and if Raihan was sincere.
It had been years since Piers had these doubts, but it seemed like the fanfic had brought these fears back to life. Piers reassured him that he was confident about Raihan and their relationship. The fanfic stories just threw him off a little.
As always, though, Raihan knew that his boyfriend liked to downplay his distress, as he didn’t want Raihan to worry too much.
Nevertheless, the Dragon gym leader wanted to make sure that his wonderful Piersy would always feel cherished and cared for. Heck, Raihan would smother his boyfriend with love if needed. Anything he could do to make Piers feel happy and safe.
The spectators standing around Raihan were just as swept up in the music as he was. They were even wilder, louder than usual, whooping and cheering at the top of their lungs.
At the end of the song, the audience’s applause was like thunder. Raihan clapped hard even when his hands ached, and he was sobbing now. As Raihan brushed the tears from his face, he heard the audience cry, “Encore!”
Piers laughed and replied, “I don’t do encores. But today, I’m tempted.”
At his response, many fans started chanting, “Encore! Encore! Encore!”
Some other fans hollered, “We love you, Piers!”
Piers now stared into Raihan’s eyes, soft and tender. He announced, “Just this once, I’ll do an encore. This is for my soulmate and life partner, Raihan of Hammerlocke!”
The crowd was ecstatic. Some fans nearby jumped with joy when they saw Raihan amongst them. They were already public with their relationship. But it was the first time Piers had called him out on stage.
It was as though Piers wanted to shout to the world that Raihan was his. Warmth and excitement coursed through Raihan’s body at the thought. He cheered with the crowd as Piers sang his song for him again.
When the show was over, Raihan rushed backstage, deftly dodging reporters as he did. As soon as Raihan saw his beloved, he cannonballed to him and embraced his beautiful boy, holding on as if his life depended on it. “You were incredible tonight.”
“You say that every time,” Piers chuckled after he pulled back from their hug to gaze at his lover’s face.
“Because it’s true,” Raihan replied with a grin. “Besides, you were even more stupendous than usual. I could feel it. Like an electric current running through the field from a Toxtricity.” Piers laughed at his metaphor and Raihan added, “I can’t believe you did an encore for me. Thank you…I’m so touched.” He started tearing up again.
Piers’ smile was wobbly as if he had trouble containing his feelings, too. He kissed Raihan lightly on the lips. “Maybe I should do encores now, seeing how happy it makes you.”
Raihan gave him a shocked look. “Really? You would break your famous rule just for me?”
Piers ran a hand through his hair and smirked. “Careful, Rai Rai, ya don’t wanna get too cocky.” But he went on in a softer tone, “Ever since I went through that ordeal with those fanfics, it’s given me a new perspective. It makes me think about how I take things for granted, and I obsess over things that don’t matter that much.”
The Dark type former gym leader grinned. “It feels like having a near death experience, and I’m rethinkin’ my life priorities. Not sayin’ I definitely will do encores from now on, but it’s one of those things where I’ve secretly wondered — what am I holdin’ onto this rule for?
“Encores don’t hurt anyone, either myself or others. I don’t get as tired as I used to, so I do have the energy to sing one more song. Fans might be surprised but I doubt it would jeopardize my reputation or ruin my career. So it seems like the only reason why I clung onto this, was just my pride, and my unwillingness to change.”
“Deep thoughts tonight for your first encore,” Raihan laughed. “Hmmm, now you’ve got me wondering whether I should stop using weather effects in my gym battles.”
“You would be unrecognizable,” Piers joked. His smile grew more gentle. “But you would still be the same person. I would love you no matter what.”
Raihan got shy all of a sudden. He dipped his chin, and then slowly, he took something out of his pocket and got down on one knee.
Piers widened his eyes.
The Dragon type gym leader opened the box to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. “The fanfiction changed me, too. It made me realize that I should have been more expressive with my love, so that you would never have any doubt.”
The Spikemuth punk snorted. “You’re very expressive already! There is no doubt.”
Raihan shook his head. “Not enough still. So I want to clearly declare my commitment to you, to prove how serious I am about sharing the rest of my life with you. Piers, will you marry me?”
A softness glowed in the Dark type trainer’s face. Piers whispered, “You don’t need a marriage proposal to prove your devotion to me. I know it already!”
Something seized up in Raihan’s chest. “Ah, it’s — it’s okay if your answer is no. I know this was unexpected, and maybe this was too much to ask for.” It was a good thing he hadn’t proposed on stage, then. He hadn’t wanted his boyfriend to feel pressured by his fans anyway.
Piers leant forward to touch his shoulder. “No. I mean no, this wasn’t too much to ask for.” He gazed at Raihan with those fascinating cyan eyes. His smile became radiant. “Yes, I will marry you!”
Raihan sagged with relief, and his grin was so wide that it was almost painful. Joy filled his chest so much that it was hard to breathe. “I love you so much, babe. I’m so lucky to have you.” He carefully placed the ring on Piers’ finger, and placed a second one on his own. His heart was so full that he started to cry again.
Piers laughed, his eyes growing moist as well. “Rai Rai, I never had any fear that you would leave me or anything. I believe you. The fanfics were just scary possibilities, but I knew they didn’t reflect on our real relationship. But still, I can’t wait to be husbands with you!”
Raihan cupped his dear Piers’ face, and kissed his fiancé with a fervent passion, showing him that everything here was real, not a mere dream. Piers would never need to be scared or lonely anymore.
