The Charm of Avril Lavigne’s Hard-Ass Attitude

Are you a compulsive people pleaser?

Do you always worry about offending people?

But do you secretly have an aggressive side you wish you could let out?

Then let’s explore this theme in Avril Lavigne’s songs.

I’ve been quite fascinated by Avril Lavigne’s “Skaterboy” and “Girlfriend” lately. For those who don’t know, both songs have to do with a girl nabbing another girl’s boy, and being completely unapologetic about it.

In “Skaterboy,” the main guy was a skater boy who was in love with this girl. She secretly liked him back, but since her friends thought he was too rough and lower-class, she rejected him. Years later, she discovers that the skater boy had become a famous rockstar. What’s more, he has found a new girl.

This new girl loudly sings:

“Sorry girl but you missed out,
Well, tough luck that boy’s mine now.
We are more than just good friends,
This is how the story ends.
Too bad that you couldn’t see,
See the man that boy could be,
There is more than meets the eye,
I see the soul that is inside.”

In Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend,” we hear a more straightforward scene of boy poaching:

“Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way, no way, I think you need a new one.
Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend!”

I find this so interesting, as someone who was raised to be nice all my life. In fact, when I first heard of these lyrics in “Skaterboy” and “Girlfriend,” I thought the poaching girl was mean and nasty.

Must We Always Be Nice?

Now that I’m in my 30s, I’m starting to see things differently. While I would not dismiss the importance of being kind, at the same time, there’s something satisfying about seeing such unrepentant meanness.

Some people talk about how female protagonists are expected to be nice. It’s hard to find a female character who is not at all nice but whom we still love anyway. Now, as I listen to Avril’s songs, I think there’s something alarmingly cool about her attitude.

No, it’s not cool to take away someone else’s boy, but there’s something so irreverent and fierce about it. Like a lioness stalking her territory. No, you wouldn’t want to meet her. But it’s fascinating to watch her as she pounces on her prey.

Assertiveness after a lifetime of keeping your head down?

A more positive way of seeing this mean streak, is to perceive it as assertiveness. Traditionally, assertiveness refers to being neither passive nor aggressive, being able to stand your ground, speak up for yourself, while still being respectful and kind.

But for those of us who have been such accommodating people-pleasers for so long, this “inner ferocity” could actually be our potential to stick up for ourselves and fight back against unfairness.

We no longer have to endure the other person’s emotional abuse and condescension. We can stop giving them the benefit of the doubt or excusing their behaviors.

In fact, Avril Lavigne’s “What the Hell” song embraces exactly that message:

“All my life I’ve been good, but now, ah ah ah ah thinking what the hell?
All I want is to mess around, ah ah ah ah don’t really care about.”

In this song, the main character has had enough of her boyfriend’s neglect and disrespect, so she decides to toss it all to the wind, and starts doing things with other guys. “So what if I go out on a million dates? Yeah yeah yeah yeah. You never call or listen to me anyway.”

No, I don’t actually condone cheating. But the point is that the protagonist is tired of her boyfriend’s bullshit, and realizes she deserves better. There’s something sweet in this vengeful story when she sings, “You’re on your knees, begging please, stay with me!”

It’s so triumphant and powerful. Again, I’m not saying that we should hurt someone or cheat to get back at them. But it’s thrilling to see a character who has been so good, so self-effacing and tolerant all her life, who one day figures out that she doesn’t have to keep taking her partner’s mistreatment. And so she strikes back against him and frees herself.

Can we channel this ferocity in a positive and helpful way?

Of course, all this makes you wonder whether you could indulge this darker, more ruthless side of yourself in a way that is healthy and acceptable to you.

Maybe Avril Lavigne herself was channeling her aggression into her songs as a healthy outlet.

In the same way, I sometimes feel gleeful when I write about meaner, even villainous characters in my fiction stories. No one would be truly harmed, but I get to indulge in those fantasies and feelings.

Friendly Competitions

We could also direct our aggression into friendly competitions. This could be in sports, music, the arts, writing, or anything else. I was surprisingly competitive when I played Pokémon Go battle tournaments.

I got so used to analyzing and strategizing my way to victory, that I was ferocious the next time I played card games with friends at a party.

In the card games, I let loose my inner vicious side and was quite merciless and cutthroat when I played! That didn’t always get me the wins, but I won more often than usual because I was so fierce. Yes, my friends were a little astonished. But it felt good and I got to satisfy that inner me without causing any real harm to anyone.

Now, I’m all for channeling our darker, meaner feelings into fiction, art, and games. But are there real-life applications for our aggressive side?

Fighting Against Injustice

Bloodhounds and Dobermans are not evil in themselves, after all. You can let out your vicious streak when you stand up against bullies, and when you advocate for yourself and others against domineering bosses.

You can speak up about issues that certain authority figures are ignoring. You can push for things that won’t happen otherwise.

In playing Pokemon Go, I used to hang out weekly with a few friends. Later, this new guy, Jason, joined us. At first, he just seemed a little sullen. But the next time we hung out with him, he became very obnoxious. He asked pushy and intrusive questions, and pressured people to trade Pokemon with him.

When a friend, Emma, had to leave early for something, he even called her cell phone, guilt-tripping her for not helping us take down a legendary Pokemon. Worst of all, he made some gross sexual comments about her when she was out of earshot.

All this infuriated me and I talked to Emma and another friend, Cal, about this. I even contacted the admin of our WhatsApp chat group. The admin sympathized but said that she couldn’t do anything about it.

Even if the admin removed Jason from the chat, there was no stopping him from showing up in person again. She added that yes, it’s unfair and uncomfortable, but we have to learn sometimes that that’s the way things are, it’s too bad.

Wow, I could see where she was coming from, but I didn’t want to let this go. His behavior was too atrocious. By this time, Emma and I had already blocked Jason. Then Cal offered to help me speak to him.

I accepted his offer. My words were sharp and unrelenting, and Cal rephrased what I said in a tactful manner to Jason. Jason claimed to be sorry and unaware of the impact of his behavior. Cal passed on my words that we didn’t want to hang out with Jason anymore. To my surprise, he accepted. We never saw him again!

What a triumphant moment. Against all odds, we actually won and got what we wanted. No, I didn’t magically erase sexism from the world, but we got this guy to leave us alone for good.

If I stood by and did nothing, his harassment would just continue. But I kicked into my tough mode and put my foot down. Then with Cal’s help, we drove out the bully.

So, ferocity is not always bad. It just depends on how we channel this hidden source of power. Besides, there’s something so joyful and alive about letting your inner beast break free.

Over to You

Do you have a mean streak deep inside that you wish to let out? If so, does it reassure you that you could find healthy, constructive outlets for it? And lastly, do you have any other insights to share about Avril Lavigne and her songs?

Published in Counter Arts on Dec 27, 2022