Stop Judging Unemployed People

Why do so many people assume the worst in others?

When someone lives on social assistance, people think they’re lazy and don’t want to work.

When someone relies on their parents for financial aid, folks assume that they must be an entitled brat.

But there are so many reasons why someone is jobless and relying on the government or their parents for financial support.

Don’t judge them, because you don’t know their story.

They could have mental illnesses that you can’t see

For years, I struggled with severe anxiety and phobias toward job searches.

I got panic attacks every time I tried to apply for a job. I felt dizzy, nauseated, and had trouble breathing. My heart rate would spike up, and I would be consumed by thoughts that I was a useless, worthless piece of shit, that I was destined to be unemployed forever and might have to live on the streets.

Exposure therapy can work for phobias, but it’s tiring and depressing to face your greatest fear every day.

Likewise, my friend Anthony has agoraphobia. He’s afraid of using public transport. The bus schedules are erratic and unpredictable here in Toronto. The subway platforms are crowded and he worries that one day, someone could get crushed and killed.

You could argue that neither my fears nor Anthony’s were logical or valid. But phobias are not about logic or rationality. Even if we know that our beliefs are not true, it’s still hard to override that fight-or-flight alarm bell.

It doesn’t mean that we’re hopeless, but obstacles such as panic attacks when I apply to jobs, or fears when Anthony uses public transport, can be quite debilitating and paralyzing when we look for employment.

Distressing physical health challenges

Since 2017, I’ve suffered from horrible eyestrain.

I have trouble looking at bright phone and computer screens, and videos really hurt my eyes.

Sadly, in my field, psychotherapy, it was the norm to use video chats during the pandemic.

Theoretically, I knew that some clients were okay with telephone-only appointments, but as it was so common to do video, I felt like I couldn’t work as a therapist anymore, at least not until the pandemic was over and I could work in person again.

It took me a long time to realize that I felt shame and guilt over my eyestrain. And I took even longer to open up to others about these feelings.

My eyestrain also meant that I had issues browsing through so many job listings online, especially as anxiety worsens the pain.

It was hard not to despair when I felt wiped after looking at job postings for just an hour. I felt useless. I couldn’t do something that most people could do without a second thought.

Some friends offered to help me, but perhaps due to pride, I didn’t want anyone to do something so basic for me.

Added to all this, I also went through two gender-affirming surgeries. They were laborious and stressful. For both of them, full recovery takes more than a month.

Changing my body, changed the way I saw myself, too. My perspective switched in how I related to others, because I look different now, both inside and out.

As a result, my brain worked overtime to recreate my new sense of reality. This process of reconstructing the world I knew, was shockingly tiring, too.

Furthermore, since my surgeries required weeks of recovery, I had no idea how to tell prospective employers that I needed a holiday shortly after beginning the job.

Unexpected social changes

My friend Sean is a trans guy.

After being fired from his last job by transphobic employers, he’s been anxious about finding a new job. He wants to change his name and gender markers on his IDs first, so that he at least won’t have to deal with dead-naming in future workplaces.

Some of us went by a different name and presumed gender at our former workplaces, and not all of us were lucky enough to have trans-friendly bosses, supervisors, or teachers. It can be nerve-racking to disclose to them that you are transgender and that your name has changed. It’s even more discouraging if some of them react in a negative way when you come out to them.

That’s really tough when you need to find former bosses to be your job references.

Thus, there are all sorts of reasons why someone is unemployed. It’s not necessarily because they are “lazy.” Plus, just because someone isn’t working, doesn’t mean they’re not doing anything meaningful.

Meaningful activities that don’t pay

A common misconception is that unemployed people spend all their time binge-watching Netflix, being a couch potato, and getting dead drunk.

I don’t have a TV, and I can’t watch shows or movies anyway due to my eyestrain. I don’t drink alcohol, and I don’t even have a couch.

Instead, I have plenty of meaningful pursuits that are unpaid but are still worthwhile. For instance, I write a lot of stories, both fiction and nonfiction, to develop my skills, express myself, and inspire others.

I also make thoughtful comments on other people’s articles, to encourage and support them. As much as I can, I find opportunities to promote other folks’ work as well.

My friend Anna is unemployed right now, but she is also an active member in the writing community. She devotes her time not just to writing her own articles, which are of excellent quality, she also does plenty of unpaid editing work, and claps and comments on many people’s stories every day.

Another friend, Jason, used to be a professor who taught philosophy. But he’s been off work for a while due to anxiety. He hasn’t been doing nothing of note, however.

Over the past several years, Jason has been a supportive friend to both myself and others. He is a good listener. He’s empathetic towards our feelings rather than judgmental, and is an encouraging and comforting presence. Jason has been one of my main sources of social support, and he is like a brother to me.

He also takes great care of his sister’s dog. Jason walks her every day for at least an hour. Since he’s an accomplished and passionate chef, he often cooks meals for the family. He confided to me once that he would love to be a house spouse.

There are so many ways someone could be doing purposeful things, even if they’re unemployed.

Yet, we don’t have to only count work that benefits other people. Work that benefits us is also worthwhile.

Unpaid work that helps us

Over the years, I’ve been doing a lot of work with my therapist. All that deep self-reflection, confrontation of my feelings rather than suppressing them, questioning of my most firmly-held beliefs, opening myself up to radical changes…all of this takes a ton of energy to do.

Therapy empowered me to take more risks in life, too, which is remarkable as I’m such a risk-averse person. I pushed myself to be more honest with people close to me, which led to many dramatic changes, mostly good ones.

The act of facing your fears and doing it anyway, is also quite exhausting, even if you get a happy ending.

Change is always stressful, regardless of whether it’s a positive or negative change.

Another example of doing good work to help myself, involved my exercise routines. The gym closed down three times during the pandemic, so I had to figure out other ways to maintain my health.

For one, I bought and built an elliptical at home, which was amazing since I’m awful at handling physical constructions. Later, I figured out how to go swimming.

After I got top surgery and acquired a flat chest, I wanted to wear swimming trunks, but it took me a while before I had the courage to go topless in public.

Aside from therapy and exercise, I also upgraded my skills in cooking and cleaning. My apartment is cleaner nowadays and I have a greater variety of meals I can make. None of this work is paid, and technically I’m only helping myself. But they are all worthwhile endeavors.

Yet, why should we be so obsessed with work and productivity in the first place?

That is the core question of this essay. Why should we base our self-worth on how much work we’ve done, whether paid or unpaid? Why can’t we be loved and respected for ourselves?

Just as we love our children and pets, regardless of how well-behaved or hard-working they are, why can’t we also be loved just for who we are?

Some people, due to disabilities or other unfortunate circumstances, cannot work as much or as fast as other people do. But that doesn’t mean that they are worth less than people who work at a higher speed.

It’s problematic as well to think that our self-worth should be based on our income.

If we judge our worth by how much money we earn, does that mean that Elon Musk is one of the most morally impeccable people on the planet? I would think not.

Just as a disclaimer, I’m not saying that unemployed people have to give up and be helpless.

I just ask you to suspend your judgment, because you have no idea what other people are going through. You also have no idea what meaningful things they are already doing, even if they’re unpaid.

Final Words

Since I couldn’t apply to jobs without a panic attack, I decided to build up my own business instead, as a psychotherapist in private practice.

After more than half a year of toil and persistence, I finally finished setting up my business, and started seeing my first client.

Yes, I feel happier, more hopeful, and more confident now that I’m employed.

But do I deserve more love now just because I have an income? It’s true that I will finally earn money, and eventually collect enough to pay my parents back. But having a job doesn’t make me a better person.

While I enjoy my newfound confidence, it bothers me that my self-esteem is still so influenced by my employment status.

I hope that one day, employment would just be seen as a practical solution, rather than a source of moral judgment. Maybe someday, we will all be loved and deemed worthy, regardless of our job status and income level.

Over to you

Do you agree or disagree with my points above? Have people also judged you for being unemployed? Have you ever secretly judged someone else for being jobless? What other thoughts do you have on this topic?

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