I’m a Pro-Choice Transgender Person, But My Views May Surprise You

The Roe vs Wade nightmare has been wearing down on my mental health.

I’m flooded and overwhelmed by the grimness of our society.

But today, instead of running away from the fear and the grief, I will engage with the topic by writing about my views on abortion. I wanted to write this story ages ago but had no courage to post it since abortion is such a contentious issue.

A while back, I read Robert Ralph’s “Abortion, Right or Wrong?” and Lucy Socha’s “To Abort, Or Not to Abort, And Maybe.” (Sadly, Lucy Socha has quit Medium and her articles are no longer available.) Their stories showed me other perspectives and cases that I had not considered, and I appreciated learning about them.

Let me clarify that both Lucy and Robert have always been very supportive of my queer and trans identities, they are respectful of the pregnant person’s rights to choose what to do with their own bodies and agree that we should keep abortion legal for our health and safety.

They also told us about real-life scenarios that I can sympathize with. I am still pro-choice, but I have integrated these scenarios into my abortion beliefs.

Please note that I will use gender-neutral terms since not all pregnant people are cis women. Some of us are trans men, nonbinary, gender fluid, or other identities.

Mental trauma after abortion

I did not know this before, but some folks may suffer from mental trauma even years after the abortion, which happened to a female friend of Robert’s. She is now happily married with children of her own but is still tormented by her abortion from years before.

While I still believe we should respect her decision, I can see it was not just a straightforward process of agreeing to a medical procedure and then signing off.

To be honest, if I got pregnant and had an abortion, I may also feel ill at ease, even if abortion was indeed wiser than giving birth. This is for emotional reasons, not for moral reasons, by the way. More on this later.

What I think is best, is for the doctor to give us a list of risks and benefits of abortion, not just physical risks but psychological ones as well. It’s like how I had to read forms listing potential risks if I chose to take testosterone or to get surgery.

The doctor respects my choice but also explains to me the possible dangers of the procedure, even if they are rare.

I’m very lucky that I did not suffer from any negative consequences. I’m happy that I got hormones and surgery for my gender transitioning. Yet, I do know a friend who used to identify as transmasculine, but after taking testosterone, she realized that she’s actually a cis woman. Now she grieves the lowering of her voice and feels tormented by this loss.

As abortion is a medical procedure too, it would be wise to think about both pros and cons and ask for the doctor’s advice, as we all have different bodies and circumstances.

There are also some alternatives, such as taking a morning-after pill the day after sex, aka Plan B. This greatly lowers the chances of pregnancy, though it’s not a 100% guarantee. Plan B may be less stressful for the body than abortion.

But I am not a doctor, so the person should consult with their physician on what the best option is for them, as everybody’s bodies and situations are unique.

The opinion of a partner who is supportive and sincere about caring for the child

If the partner is a complete and utter asshole, then I obviously don’t care about their opinion.

However, if the partner is genuine about wanting to care for the child and support the pregnant person, I would want to hear their perspective too.

I do think the pregnant person should get the final say on what to do. Yet, their partner’s opinion would likely affect the couple’s relationship in the future, so I would want to hear them out.

I want to hear why the partner is passionate about keeping the child. And I want to know how sincere they are about supporting both the child and their partner.

By the way, I am assuming that the sexual relations were consensual. I would have no sympathy for the “partner” if these were coerced relations. Plus, emotional coercion exists too, not just physical coercion.

Not all people who claim to love their partners are actually respectful of consent, unfortunately. Guilt-tripping the partner into sex, and threatening to leave the relationship if there is no sex, are harmful and coercive.

But for genuinely good and supportive partners, I think it would be helpful to hear their side of the story as well. And speaking of good partners, I thought of this next case:

How about trans husbands and trans wives? Do you feel differently if the genders are different?

Imagine that a trans husband and trans wife have an unplanned pregnancy. The husband wants to abort but the wife wants to keep the baby.

I don’t know about you, but the thought of ignoring a woman’s opinion sounds wrong to me. Let’s assume here that we are all trans-friendly: trans men are men, trans women are women.

With that clarified, I think the husband should still get the final say here, since he is the one who will be pregnant for at least nine months and go into labor.

However, I also want to hear what the wife has to say, why she wants to keep the child and how genuine she is in promising to care for her pregnant husband, and later raise their child together.

On a similar note, I have a close friend who is a trans woman. She has always been passionate about becoming a mother one day. She is a lesbian, so I think about what would happen if she marries a cis woman and they have an unplanned pregnancy. What if my friend wants to keep the child but her wife wants to abort it?

I would ultimately respect her cis wife’s decision, as she is the pregnant one. But I’d also want to hear why my friend is so ardent about becoming a mother.

Of course, I would be biased, since she is my friend. But I would like to hear her speak about how devoted she is to caring for her wife during pregnancy, and how she will raise their child.

There are other situations, such as a trans husband and cis husband, as well as couples where one or the other or both are nonbinary, and I would hold the same view: I’d listen to the partner’s side too, but I’d respect the pregnant person as the final decision-maker.

Pro-choice also means that we respect the pregnant person’s decision to keep the child, even if we think they’re being foolish

When it comes to abortion, rarely do we think about the case where the person wants to keep the baby, but other people pressure them to get an abortion.

Lucy Socha shared a story where a woman and her husband both want to keep the child. But the husband’s wealthy father wanted them to abort the child, because she will have Down’s Syndrome, and taking care of her will cost a lot of money and “bring shame” upon the family.

There was no shame brought on the family. And though the daughter did need extra help in learning, she grew up to be a happy and healthy child.

Her grandfather still refuses to see his granddaughter, though. This case makes me angry, as I have a good friend who has Down’s Syndrome. It’s awful that the grandfather would discriminate against a child with Down’s Syndrome, and pressure his daughter-in-law to abort the child, even though he’s rich.

He is not just being discriminatory here, he is also being anti-choice, as he doesn’t care what his daughter-in-law thinks. So yes, it’s possible to be pro-abortion but anti-choice, as strange as that may sound.

In another case, a friend’s cousin had a pregnancy and wanted to keep her child. My friend thinks her cousin is being foolish because she will have to drop out of high school and suffer from poverty. While I can sympathize with my friend’s views, I still believe we should respect her cousin’s decision.

On that note, I don’t think we should oppose someone’s desire to be a parent just because they are poor. Someone I know on Facebook said that people shouldn’t have children if they can’t afford them. Wow…Did he just imply that poor people are not allowed to have kids?

My trans female friend I mentioned above, replied to him. She said that she is a minimum wage trans woman who hopes to have children one day. Yeah, just think about what it would mean if only financially secure people were allowed to have kids!

Likewise, some people argue that you shouldn’t have children if you don’t have a partner. Yet, there are single parents who do an amazing job of raising their kids.

There is also enough discrimination against single parents. It’s not easy to care for children by yourself, no, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have a kid just because you are single.

Note 1: A reader brought up an excellent point to me, that even if a partner is well meaning and supportive, they could still give emotional pressure to the pregnant person — even without intending to. It’s true that some of us, myself included, may want to make our loving partner happy, and end up neglecting our own needs.

So yes, I want to add here that it is valid if a pregnant person does not wish to hear their partner’s opinion, because they might desire to please their partner at the cost of their own health and safety, or another reason. At the end of the day, it is the pregnant person’s body. Nobody has the right to tell them what to do, including me.

Note 2: Another reader was concerned that the risk of being traumatized could be a reason to deny them access to a medical procedure. I want to clarify that no, I don’t believe that the risk of mental trauma should forbid someone from getting an abortion. It would just be a risk written on a consent form. If the person accepts the risks, then they can sign the form and get the procedure.

When I wanted to take testosterone and gender-affirming surgeries, I had to read long consent forms full of very scary risks, including fatal ones. But I still chose to go through with them. So it’s about giving informed consent.

Originally published in QuickTalk on July 15, 2022