Genuine Friendships with Celebrities Do Exist

I’m growing closer to a certain someone these days. I won’t say who, but they’re a fellow writer.

Under any ordinary circumstances, I would have called them a friend a long time ago. But because they’re a celebrity, I’m still a little star-struck. I do understand, on some level, that they sincerely like me and maybe even look forward to hearing from me.

So I wonder why I have to be so weird about this. Why can’t I just treat them like a regular human being? Like they probably wish for me to do?

Another popular writer I follow, Chris Brecheen, talks about this issue of hero worship towards celebrities. Chris said that it flatters their ego when people admire them so much. But it doesn’t feel so great in the long run, because they worry about disappointing their fans one day.

While there are obnoxious people who demand their time and attention, there are also people whom Chris likes and would love to grow closer to. But the latter folks are often apologetic and don’t want to intrude.

Chris technically is busy but they can also be lonely. So they were very happy when this new person was respectful but also made it clear that she wanted to be in Chris’s life.

Imagine if celebrities were only allowed to be friends with other celebrities — that would be incredibly lonesome.

My First Friend Who Was a Celebrity

Some years ago, I found a new blogger I like, Jami Gold. I wrote loads of comments on her blog posts and she always replied. I even added her on Facebook, and she sent me a private message to thank me for all of my comments.

I was flattered that a blogger private-messaged me. But at the time, I just saw her as a very experienced writer. I had no idea that she was a celebrity.

And our friendship was awesome. She taught me so much about the writing craft that I’m far from a rookie now. She also kept me company as I questioned and explored my gender identity, and eventually transitioned. Jami was supportive of me all the way through.

It was only later that I learned that she had her blog featured as one of Writer’s Digest Best Writing Advice Websites of 2020. (Writer’s Digest only picks sixteen websites each year.) She is also a respected guest speaker at the Romance Writers of America.

But I was already so familiar with her, and she had already called me a friend. So the discovery that she was an influencer among writer bloggers, didn’t affect my perception of her that much.

A More Humanizing Perspective on Celebrities

Celebrities are people, too. They have feelings and needs just like us, and love to connect with like-minded folks. Celebrities also have the right to make friends with people they like.

It’s so strange. You would think that it’s common sense that celebrities are just people. Yet, many of us, including myself, still feel so star-struck and see them as superhuman. Even if we know they are flawed human beings just like us.

Moreover, I don’t want to be mistaken as one of those people who get close to celebrities to acquire special treatment. I want my friendships to be based on genuine affection and regard.

I confided in my crush about my growing friendship with certain famous folks. He replied that I should just enjoy it, see where it goes, and not overthink it.

He added that he met some famous athletes too and definitely sees them as just people. That said, my crush is a bit of a celebrity himself. He’s in the Hockey Hall of Fame at his university, and is also a beloved and respected hockey coach and president.

Yet, I don’t think about his accolades that much, even though they are amazing, because I met him from Pokémon Go tournaments and just consider him to be a friend. Yes, I have a crush on him, but I ultimately still see him as a buddy and peer.

While I agree with my crush that celebrities are just people, there’s also an added dynamic with famous friends that you don’t see in most other friendships. It’s not anyone’s fault. They could be the kindest soul in the world, but there is still this extra layer of complication.

You see, my celebrity friends are wonderful people, but there are tons of other folks in their lives. They make time for me, but they also need time to engage with their many fans. It’s easy for me to feel like I’m just one of the many.

Surprising Other Perspectives on This Matter

A close friend said that, when she first met me, she was so excited because she thought I was “Facebook Famous.” Wow… All I did was post very often on our Toronto Pokémon Go Facebook group, because I was super chatty.

I wasn’t the most dedicated, the most knowledgeable, or even the most creative person in the group. So the only thing I stood out in, was that I posted and commented a lot. That’s it. So people got to know me, and my friend got the impression that I was “famous” when I wasn’t.

On that note, while I’m not a celebrity, I still have a lot of social connections. So even I may undercut my time with some friends, because I’m so busy trying to stay in touch with so many people and groups at the same time.

Some of my past crushes were like this, too. They weren’t celebrities, but they were very popular people. It felt like I had hardly any time with them. They had so many other connections in their life.

Actually, my current crush is also like this. Is this a relationship pattern? I seem to keep falling for people who are kindhearted and generous, but who are usually too busy — or maybe I’m not a priority and the friendship is a bit one-sided.

Deeper Into Friendship Thoughts

Either way, I wouldn’t want my friend to feel like I’m fetishizing their fame and using them as some sort of status symbol. That would be very disrespectful and exploitative.

On the other hand, maybe my friend wouldn’t like that I’m turning their fame into a barrier, like I’m inadvertently putting distance between us.

Speaking of barriers due to fame and reputation, I went to the top two universities in my country — McGill and University of Toronto in Canada. To me, they are just schools. So I felt crappy when some friends made a big deal out of my universities.

On the surface, they were praising me. But I actually felt very excluded. I wanted to be seen as part of them, not a part of some alien group, no matter how much our society lauds it.

For that matter, I had a grad school classmate at the University of Toronto who went to Harvard for his undergrad. I was awestruck at first. But he never showed off. And I wouldn’t have known that he had gone to Harvard if some classmates hadn’t told me. He just behaved like an ordinary classmate and colleague.

The Core of Friendship

What I do know for sure, is that I like and care about my friend. If something goes awry and their reputation is in ruins, will I still stick by them? Yes! Well, as long as it wasn’t for something horrible, such as swindling money from the elderly or being cruel towards animals.

Maybe I’m overthinking it, though. My celebrity friend makes time to respond to me thoughtfully, even with their super busy schedule. I’m not asking them to comment on my articles, as I’m not aiming to get “benefits” or anything like that. I just desire the joy of their company, when they have some time to spare.

Even with Jami, I didn’t ask her to comment on my blog (it was poorly formatted anyway), I was just happy that she always replied to me, even to my private messages. In fact, I learned later that she doesn’t respond to all private messages, certainly not to strangers asking her randomly for favors.

I get that some skeptics may say I’m undercutting myself, because I’m engaging with my friends’ content much more than they are with mine.

Yet, friendship shouldn’t be so tit-for-tat, and I wouldn’t push anyone, whether celebrity or not, to read or comment on any of my work unless they truly wanted to. Maybe they’re swamped by their own work. Maybe they have a hard time keeping up with comments from readers, on top of coping with their own health issues.

So it would be really unfair for me to demand anything from them. And perhaps they are not as interested in what I write about, or don’t chime with my writing style, and that’s okay too. It’s not personal.

At the end of the day, I asked myself: how do you feel when you think about your celebrity friend? Well, I feel happy and excited. I also feel touched and comforted by some of the things they said when I told them about my health struggles.

And maybe that’s all you need for a genuine friendship — joy, excitement, and comfort in their company.

Plus, my friend is a humble person. They don’t see themselves as too good to be friends with anyone but other celebrities. They may be famous, but they don’t brag, and they’re always appreciative of the people around them.

I love and care about them. And I realize that no matter what they think of me, I already see them as a friend.

Over to You

Have you ever had friends who are celebrities? If so, did you also struggle with doubts about whether you could possibly, truly be friends with them? If you are a celebrity yourself, what do you think of these issues? Are my doubts unfounded?

Originally published on The Orange Journal on Sept 10, 2022